YIKES! I just published this and saw how long it is! Sorry, beware, LONG POST ahead!!
It's taken me a day to post about this, because I'll be honest, it's taken me that long to get over it. It was too scary and fresh to write about yesterday. I guess this all started Sunday if you really think about it. We went to church and then Dad took Kaitlin home to play while I worked in the nursery. When they came to pick me up around 12:30 and head to lunch, Kaitlin fell asleep in the car. No biggie, right? Well, this in turn pushed her real nap, which is normally around 1 or 1:30 to about 3, which in turn pushed bedtime until about 8:30 (normally around 7:30). All this would be well and good if she had woken up an hour later Monday morning, but instead the muffin decided to get up at FIVE A.M. So we're talking 8.5hrs of sleep for someone who is used to 12/night. "Eh, have fun Claudia," (nanny) I thought as I headed off to work.
I only work a half day on Monday though, so I was home by 1:30, but was certain she would have whatever demons out of her system by the time she woke up from what was sure to be a long nap. When she woke up crying at 2:30 (after only about 1hr and 15min), I was a little wary. It took a while to calm her down, but she seemed to be fine when we headed out to have a snack in the kitchen. Then came mistake #1 - not letting Miss Independent help make her oatmeal for a snack. This set off a small tantrum, but I quickly diverted her attention to the stroller. Mistake #2 - diverting with stroller since it is like crack to my child, who, when asked to leave the stroller to sit in her highchair to eat oatmeal FA-REAKED out. Mistake #3 - going on about my business of strapping her into the highchair through the kicking and screaming. You see, what I haven't quite learned yet is that children are like little studies in drug-resistant bacteria. You plod along, treating your infection with a healthy dose of antibiotics, thinking you are winning the battle, and then all of a sudden, those antibiotics stop working. So you switch to another antibiotic, which works for a while too, but then you wake up again with a sore throat and wonder what the heck to do now? I'm guilty of using the same tricks over and over again until Kaitlin shows me (usually with the kicking and screaming that I've already mentioned) that "uh-uh Mom, that dumb ol' peekaboo trick isn't going to cut it this time!"
So back to the story, I used to be able to just plod through her crying while being put in the highchair because I knew in about 5 seconds once she was in she would be fine because there was food to be had. Well, I guess her memory is getting longer and her will is getting stronger, because she was mad as hell that I put her in that chair. And I'm talking C-R-A-Z-Y mad like nothing I've ever seen before. Flailing, screaming, trying to hit and kick me and Bud (who was just standing there waiting for the sure to be dropped oatmeal), throwing her drink, then yelling "UH OH DRINK" as though it was an accident, banging, trying to squeeze out the bottom of her chair - you name it, it happened. Now this is all very new to me. We've had little tantrums before, but nothing that couldn't be solved with a little distraction or a time-out. So I'm calling upon all the knowledge I've stored from reading Parent's magazine and the occasional website article about tantrums. I walked away and told her I couldn't hear her when she acted like that. Screaming got louder. I came back and grabbed her hands and looked her in the eye and said "calm down baby." She hit me in the face. I took her out of her high chair and brought her into her room (change of scenery) and tried to sit with her and rock quietly. I couldn't even get close to the rocking chair with her bucking and flailing, there was really no way to hold her. I sat in the rocking chair while she RAN around her room screaming "OATMEAL" and I would say "ok, let's go get some oatmeal" and she would scream "NO NO NO" and then throw herself on the floor. I left the room. Screaming got louder. People, this went on for 10+ minutes! I know I am not doing it justice describing it here, but suffice it to say that I was literally scared - I honestly did not know how to make her stop, and it didn't look like it was going to stop on its own anytime soon. I was desperate, so I called upon a higher power. Yes, I called in Barney. I know, I know, I shouldn't reward behavior like this with her favorite video, but like I said, I was desperate and I knew with her lack of sleep she wasn't going to be rational anytime soon. So I said "Do you want to go watch Barney?" and I swear, it was like a switch turned on in her brain and she RAN into the kitchen, calmly crawled up into her highchair and said "Barney." Mind you, I still wasn't allowed to make eye contact or feed her her oatmeal, she really didn't want anything to do with me, but she was content to sit there quietly and smear oatmeal all over her face, I mean, feed herself oatmeal and watch her precious Barney for about 20 minutes. And finally, she initiated contact with me so I knew it was safe to interact again. After that, we had a fairly normal evening, but I was still pretty shook up.
Now maybe I shouldn't post about this, maybe it's too personal, but my reason for doing so is two-fold. One, I'm hoping parents with older kiddos may have been through this before and will tell me my child is not the devil and that all kids go through this, and maybe offer up some advice on how to deal with it. And two, to serve as a warning to those with children younger, that these kind of things can and do happen, and it's just a part of parenting and not to get too beat up over it. I felt like a pretty horrible mom yesterday, and I hope with time I will become better at handling these things and not letting it get to me so much. Today was a much better day, especially since she slept for 12 solid hours last night and had a good nap too. But I feel like a barrier has been broken, and I know the potential for some craziness is in there, whereas before she was just my sweet little baby that could do no wrong. I guess this is how they grow and learn and exert their independence, and as a good mom I have to be there to let her know that even when she hits me in the face, I will still be there to kiss hers.
9 comments:
Summer - You knew I would respond to this :). Don't feel bad. You are a great mom. They all act that way at times. Caroline now is starting to get into that and Abigail still does it. So like you eventually we actually have two doing it. Yea for us!! Caroline will kick at me as well and I lay her on the floor where I know she cannot hurt herself and I walk away. I leave her there until she calms down. Abigail, since she is older, gets sent to her room. Abigail actually does this in public sometimes (much more horrifying). We have been seen walking away from her at Costco while she sat on the cement floor crying (believe me people stared at us when we walked away from her). The same thing happened at Disney on a daily basis.
Really walking away is the best thing to do. Distraction works as well so you did the right thing. When she gets a little older, try the walking away more. It is almost always caused by being very tired or very hungry. So always try to prevent that from happening but as a mom of three and a busy schedule, I know that it isn't always possible. Since you are busy as well, you will just know that occasionally the devil will be seen and as you get more experienced you will be better prepared to deal with it. Someday you will think back on this time and laugh.
We all have days where we don't feel like the best moms. Don't worry that is perfectly normal and so is Kaitlin. Let me know if you need anything else. Scott knows how to track me down.
WOW this really makes me want to get into a serious relationship, settle down and pop out a kid! I did however like the last sentence with her showing physical violence and you disguising your sadness with kisses. Me and this Kaitlin kiddo are going to get along just fine :o) <3
(I am teasing Lizzy, you are a super Mommy, sounds like she had a bad day)
Your stories lately make me laugh, although I know this was a terrible day for you. One time Caden got so upset like that he nearly hyperventilated from crying so hard!
For us, his tantrums did not creep up until 3 as opposed to 2. And lordy, the attitude that came with it!
Ignoring and giving the child some space/quiet time usually works for us. I think you did the right thing by giving her the chance to cool off in the best way you knew for her.
Hang in there! You are a great MOM and this too shall pass (that is something my Mom would say)!
you are an excellent mom! I appreciate hearing about good and bad times on the blogs because it makes me feel more normal when I have a bad day and as you said let's me know what I can expect.
what is hard for me to imagine right now is dealing with these types of issues while pregnant- but I hope I do one day! hang in there sounds like you handled it great!
WOW. That story is horrifying. Of course, I cannot fully understand what you experienced on Monday, but I absolutely hate that helpless feeling when you have no control over a situation and have no idea what to do next. That feeling stresses me out more than anything else, and one day I'll likely die of a stroke as a direct result of just such a situation.
I'm sorry you had to dance with the devil this week, but I agree with everyone else that you are a FANTASTIC mom. I'm honestly amazed at how good of a job you do with Kaitlin. I always knew you'd be a good mom, but until Kaitlin came along I had no idea how much I had underestimated you! You're the best mom I know, and one day I will model my own mommy skills after your own :).
And last but certainly not least, I was very impressed with the analogy to multiple drug resistant bacterial strains. That was awesome. I like to think you threw that in for me. Rest assured that it did not go unappreciated.
Best of luck with my sweet angelic niece for the rest of the week. I will be a good Godmother and pray for 12 hour nights and 2-3 hours naps. Let me know if these episodes become more frequent, and I'll start asking around for a good exorcist.
Hmm, the ticker says 17 months. I think she's right on schedule. The good news is this is normal and you're not alone. The bad news is it will probably happen again. B literally would throw himself on the floor and flail. We initially tried to get down and intervene, but ultimately discovered he needed to be left alone for a bit to sort it out. I made the mistake just yesterday of joining him on the floor while he was pouting (not really throwing a fit) and got hit in the eye. So yeah, he ended up squarely in time out and had a serious talk with Daddy about hitting. I admit I've caved in to Thomas myself, but try to resist when I can. You're doing great and Kaitlin is learning and growing. They keep telling me this too shall pass and I very much hope it does. In the meantime, sending you hugs!
Thank you for posting this. And thank you to all that left comments. What encouragement for us not yet there.
I assume I am in the little tantum stage, but there is some throwing on the floor that happens - but these only last a few seconds and yes the distraction still works like a charm.
I have days without these tantrums that I put myself in the bad mom club, so I can only speak to that - totally normal.
Sorry to hear about the rough day, tantrums can be tough! (though I admit to having a laugh at the higher power=Barney comment, lol...gotta do what you can, right?) Gabriel also hits my face sometimes when he gets frustrated. Hang in there, you are doing a wonderful job!!
Well, it's posts like these that scare the tar out of me for this stage! Thank goodness I have you forging the way for me so I can learn from all your skills. You are doing a more than excellent job and Kaitlin is your vibrant proof of that. And I do have to admit that I laughed a bit at this story, so feel free to return the sentiment in about 12 months...
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